So, you’ve made the break from your abuser. Now life will be all rosy and sweet, right? I wish so badly that is the way it works, but unfortunately, it doesn’t. For a lot of victims, it gets worse. At first, but then it gets so much better.
You see, an abuser’s most used tool in his twisted tool box is control. When you remove yourself from his control, his knee-jerk reaction is to grab control by whatever method he can. As I’ve said, again and again, every situation is different. The abuser may admit defeat and give you up without a fight. He may agree that this is the best arrangement and graciously let you go or he may come after you with both barrels blazing. Or a combination of any of the above. You may have to hide from him, you may be able to move next door. You, alone, will know what the best arrangement will be.
That takes care of the abuser. Now, what about you? So many victims of domestic violence continue to victimize themselves after they leave an abusive situation. They are so used to someone berating them, they have come to believe it and will berate themselves.
It takes a while to get your “land legs” after you’ve been tossed around so much in the ocean of abuse.
The most important thing is to give yourself time to heal. Be gentle but firm with yourself. Don’t curl up in a ball, even though it seems like that’s the only thing you have the strength to do, and hide under the covers. This is YOUR life now. Take it and make it what you want to be. I’ve seen women overcome the hugest obstacles, conquer the most monumental difficulties and come out the other side a much stronger, wiser and more compassionate person.
And then there are triggers. Ah, yea. The thing that happens and all those memories of the horrible things you had endured in your past come rushing at you until it almost brings you to your knees. And people are looking at you like you are a drama queen just wanting attention. That’s not it at all. You were just transported back into your worst nightmare and all the pain, insecurity and fear that came with it. So what do you do? You get through it and show the world you will not admit defeat. Contact me through Sit and Sip and we can talk about it.
The best thing about being a survivor is….YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. You are free, you are getting stronger every day. Even the obstacles that you find in your path will seem doable, after what you just lived through. Go easy on yourself and you’ll get there…to the place where peace and rest and contentment fill your days.
I am often asked why I’m so happy all the time. It’s simply this. I survived a psychopathic, alcoholic, abusive husband. Every morning I wake up alive is a blessing!
If you are a survivor of domestic abuse, please reach out to me and join our network. My blog is full of resources for victims as they move forward with their lives.